I recently finished teaching another course in leadership and management from FranklinCovey.  As always, teaching the fifth of Dr. Covey's famed seven habits was very interesting.  Habit five simply states, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

When I teach this section, I sometimes ask, "how many of you have ever taken some sort of a class on speaking?"  Typically, many people raise their hands, they've taken a speech class, debate class, etc. or had some sort of training in giving a presentation or speaking.  Then, I ask how many have ever taken a class in listening.  Very few people raise there hand. 

As it turns out, it seems to be human nature to spend a great deal or our energy trying to get others to understand us - often at the expense of listening to really understand another.  Dr. Covey often said, "One of the deepest needs of the human soul is to be understood."  Little wonder then, that we generally aren't as good at listening to understand as we are at listening to respond.  Nor is it any wonder that we typically do habit five in the wrong order - insisting on working from our point of view first, and perhaps secondarily seeking the other's perspective.

So, I found this article from the Harvard Business Review, What To Do When You've Made Someone Angry, to be very instructive.  This brief, easy-reading article provides some simple examples to which all can relate.  So, to you I extend a challenge - read the article, then apply it. In other words, give it a try.  (Just for clarification - I mean try it if you ever have occasion to find that you've upset someone else... don't go out and tick someone off, just to try this.) When you do so, you will be experiencing the essence of habit five because you'll be - first and foremost - acknowledging things from the other person's perspective. 

I have found this practical application in empathizing exceptionally effective.  Share your experiences - I'd love to hear about them.

This week I had the pleasure of lunch with Susan P. Rice, founder of Cavanagh Services Group, Inc.  Cavanagh specializes in integrated project management and transportation services for hazardous and industrial waste. She started the company in 2002 after securing an SBA loan to purchase 30 waste containers and within one month had landed a $600,000 contract.  Since then the firm has grown rapidly and currently services areas throughout the country!  She was recognized by Utah Business Magazine’s “Fast 50, Utah’s Fastest Growing Companies”, and also received recognition in 2010 as one of the Ernst & Young Entrepreneurial Winning Women™.

Before lunch, in a brief presentation on entrepreneurship, Sue shared some great ideas regarding how the company has survived and thrived.  She spoke of peaks and valleys.  We've all heard about peaks and valleys, and we've all experienced them. 

On this topic her thoughts were brief but sound.  When in a valley, look at the obstacle and turn it into an opportunity - this is quite natural for her because in addition to owning her own company she is a very competitive athlete.  (How many ladies do you know who religiously read every issue of Sports Illustrated cover to cover?) 

And what of the peaks?  When at a peak, you've got to resist the temptation to coast.  Sure, enjoy it!  But, at the same time look for valleys.  Search them out.  Where are the areas you can improve?  This helps ensure that you will better survive the next valley and may even help you avoid valleys you would otherwise have been forced to pass through.

Words of wisdom.

What specifically have you done in your company that has worked well for you with regard to peaks and valleys?  I'd love to read your comments.

In the book, The Gift of Fear, Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence, by Gavin de Becker, is found an interesting excerpt.  It refers to the way circus elephants are trained:

The author goes on to discuss how this dynamic affects people who, when young, are repeatedly told certain things and believe them throughout their lives.  It caused me to wonder how many great leaders and creative entrepreneurs in embryo do not develop to their potential because they were trained by chains that sounded like this:

I am certain I've had business clients whose eyes have been somewhat opened to the fact that the chains were only illusions and that they indeed could and would succeed.  And what opened their eyes?  Perhaps a bit of encouragement and sound business plan coaching helped, but ultimately it was their effort - their actions.  When they act upon their ideas, they catch a glimpse of their capacity and more importantly their potential.

I believe this little story of how elephants are trained is powerful for parents and teachers of young people.  We can learn a great deal about the importance of the message sent by our attitude and language towards a child's achievements (or lack thereof), their creativity, their entrepreneurial spirit, etc.  How many of the potentially great leaders and entrepreneurs of the future are held down by the illusion of great chains that in reality don't exist?

Share a comment below and tell me where you've seen these so-called chains at play (or seen them broken).